1. “I mean, have you seen the people in room six? They've never even sat on chairs before.”
2. "People don't talk that much in the morning... Well look, I'm just delivering a tray, right? If the guest isn't singing Oh What A Beautiful Morning I don't immediately think, 'Oh there's another snuffed it in the night - another name in the Fawlty Towers Book of Remembrance'. I mean this is a hotel, not the Burma Railway. I mean it does actually say 'Hotel' outside, you know. Perhaps I should be more specific. What about 'Hotel for people who have a better than 50 per cent chance of making it through the night?'"
3. Guest: "When I pay for a view, I expect something more interesting than that."
Basil: "But that is Torquay, madam."
Guest: "Well it's not good enough."
Basil: "Well may I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain..."
Guest: "Don't be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea."
Basil: "You can see the sea! It's over there between the land and the sky!"
Guest: "I'd need a telescope to see that."
Basil: "Well might I suggest you move to a hotel closer to the sea. Or preferably in it."
4. “When I asked you to build me a wall, I was hoping that instead of just dumping the bricks in a pile, you might have found time to cement them together, you know, one on top of the other, in the traditional fashion.”
5. “You snobs! You stupid, stuck-up, toffee-nosed, half-witted upper-class piles of pus!”
6. "I was just doing it, you stupid woman. I just put it down, to come here and be reminded by you to do what I'm already doin'. I mean, what is the point in reminding me to do what I'm already doing? I mean, what is the bloody point? I'm doing it, aren't I? Yes, yes, I picked it up... Yes... No, no, I haven't had a chance yet... I've been at it solidly ever since I got back. Yes, I will... Yes... No, I haven't yet, but I will... Yes, yes, yes, I know it is... Yes, I'll try and get it cleared up... Anything else? I mean, would you like the hotel moved a bit to the left?"
7. "A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed."
• The funniest Tripadvisor reviews
8. Guest: "Is there anywhere they do French food?"
Basil: "Yes, France, I believe. They seem to like it there. And the swim would certainly sharpen your appetite. You'd better hurry, the tide leaves in six minutes."
9: "Right, right. Well, stay where you are because, obviously, if there was a fire, you'd all be standing down here like this in the lobby, wouldn't you? I mean, why do we bother? We should let you all burn."
10. Basil: "Good morning, good morning."
Guest: "Oh you're very cheerful this morning, Mr Fawlty."
Basil: "Yes, well one of the guests has just died."
11. "Did you ever see that film, How to Murder your Wife? Yes, awfully good. I saw it six times.
12. Guest: "Has it got a breeze?"
Basil: "Has it got a breeze?"
Guest: "Well, is it airy?"
Basil: "Well, there's air in it".
13. "Ah, wonderful! wunderbar! Ahh! Please allow me to introduce myself, I am the owner of Fawlty Towers. And may I welcome your war... your war... you wall... you all... you all, and hope that your stay will be a happy one. Now, would you like to eat first, or would you like a drink before the war...! Er... trespassers will be tied up with piano wire... Sorry, sorry!"
• Weird items left in hotel rooms
14. "Hors d'oeuvres... vich must be obeyed at all times vitout qvestion!"
15. "Start, you vicious bastard. Oh my God. I'm warning you, if you don't start... I'll count to three. 1, 2, 3, right, that does it. I'm going to give you a damn good thrashing."
16. "Oh, yes. How is the old toenail? Still growing in, hmm? Still burrowing its way down to the bone? Still macheteing its way through the nerve, aye? Nasty old nail!"
17. "Can't we get you on Mastermind, Sybil? Next contestant - Sybil Fawlty from Torquay. Special subject - the bleedin' obvious."
18. "I think we're just out of Waldorfs."
19. American guest: "Couldn't find the freeway. Had to take a little back street called the M5."
Basil: "Well I'm sorry it wasn't wide enough for you. A lot of the English cars have steering wheels."
20: "This is typical. Absolutely typical...of the kind of...arse I have to put up with from you people. You ponce in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot, while I'm trying to run a hotel here. Have you any idea of how much there is to do? Do you ever think of that? Of course not, you're all too busy sticking your noses into every corner, poking around for things to complain about, aren't you? Well let me tell you something - this is exactly how Nazi Germany started. A lot of layabouts with nothing better to do than to cause trouble. Well I've had fifteen years of pandering to the likes of you, and I've had enough. I've had it. Come on, pack your bags and get out."
This article was first published on January 14, 2014, and updated on November 27, 2015
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